Why Successful People Stay Successful - Integrity to Meaning
"The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well (69)."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Everyone wants that elusive thing called "Happiness." We, especially Americans, spend so much time spinning our wheels trying to make ourselves happy that we lose sight of the big picture. If you stop thinking about yourself so much and turn your attention to helping someone else, you will get a real sense of deep personal satisfaction. A feeling that you can't get from a new car, a bigger TV or the biggest house in the neighborhood.
"Each of us has to struggle in our own individual way to achieve a measurement of success (79)."
Success is measured in our own minds. We all have to decide for ourselves what it is that makes us feel successful. What one person sees as success may not appeal to us. We are all individuals; unique. How could one cookie-cutter idea of success fit us all. It's impossible. There are so many avenues in life to explore. If you try something and it fails, try something else. It is all trial and error. You learn more from your mistakes than you do from your successes. You may be surprised at what you find if you just have the courage to step outside of the box.
The Oxford Book of Death: Mourning
"When I am dead, my dearest,
sing no sad songs for me;
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree:
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dew drops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget (119)."
We should not feel sorry for the ones that go before us. They have moved on. They cannot feel pain or sadness anymore. We should be grateful for the time we had together.
It is up to us how we choose to mourn our loved ones. In this poem, the author is saying, don't go to great lengths to mourn me when I'm gone. If you want to remember me, fine. If not, that's okay too.
Once a person is gone, we should take the time to mourn and grieve for them. We need to allow ourselves a chance to go through all of the stages of grief. Once we are done mourning, we should let them go and move on. This doesn't mean we don't love them, or that we will not remember them. Life goes on.
The Sacred Art of Dying: How World Religions Understand Death
Zen Attitudes Towards Death
"The secret of Zen of course is to dwell in nirvana before one dies, so that there will be no death left to die (65)."
I think that to live in a state of nirvana, you have to live in the moment. You need to accept that life is a part of death and death is a part of life. Don't go through life with blinders on pretending that death won't come knocking at your door; because it will. We all have to experience death. At some point, we all have to die. We need to face the fact that all of our friends and loved ones will eventually die too.
Reflection
I think the world "Happiness" should be stricken from the English language. Happiness is an illusion. An unrealistic expectation that has been shoved down our collective throats. It only serves to set us up for future failure and long-term disappointment. Very few people experience real happiness. It's not usually the ones with boat loads of money either. I think that people who do find a measure of happiness in their lives are people who appreciate the simple things in life: a loving relationship with spouse and/or children, a good friendship (if your lucky) an appreciation for art/music/nature, and, mainly, a sense of purpose and usefulness to others.
We all need to learn how to grieve. If you don't grieve properly, you will get stuck and never get over that person's death. Just like there is a process for living, and a process for dying, there is a process for grieving. Then, you start the process all over again. It is the "Circle of Life."
Unfortunately, our culture does not want to see death, accept death, or deal with death. We quickly whisk the body away so no one has to look at it and we then proceed to sweep the subject under the rug again. We stuff our pain. This ultimately leads to depression, substance abuse and even suicide.
If we could look at death honestly and talk about it openly, we would be a much healthier society as a whole. We would have less mental health issues, less people dealing with addition and would see a significant decrease in the national suicide rate.
Personally, I have seen this scenario play out in my own family. My brother, who was 20 years old at the time, committed suicide because he could not get over our other brothers death. His closest brother died when they were very young. No one ever talked about him. He never understood how his brother, whom he loved dearly, could just disappear. He never got over it. It was swept "under the rug" and never dealt with. If it had been dealt with in a healthy manner, maybe my older brother would still be alive today.
No comments:
Post a Comment