Movie Review - The Lovely Bones

The movie I chose to review is The Lovely Bones.  The movie is based on the book written by Alice Sebold. 
     The movie opens with a very innocent scene of a little girl looking at a snow globe.  The snow globe has a little penguin inside.  The little girl is worried about him.  Her dad says that he is safe and for her not to worry. As a child, this little girl felt safe and protected by her father.
     The story is narrated by Susie Salmon, a 14 year old girl with strawberry blonde hair and blue eye, the all-American girl next door.  The setting is a small, run of the mill, town called Norrisville, Pennsylvania.
     Susie is from an average, middle-class, family.  Her dad is an accountant and her mom is a stay-at-home mom.  She has a younger sister named Lindsey and a little brother named Buckley.  They have a dog called Holiday.
     The timeframe of the movie is in the 1970's. Susie was in ninth grade.  She had a crush on a senior, his name was Ray Singh.  He had recently moved to America from England.  His family was Hindu.  He was tall, dark, and handsome.  The day that Susie died, Ray had asked her out on a date.  She was to meet him in the Gazebo at the mall on Saturday morning at 10:00 a.m.  Susie was so excited, that while walking home that day she was so preoccupied with her thoughts about Ray, she let her guard down.  That would be her undoing.
     Susie had received a Kodak Instamatic camera for her 14th birthday.  She was so excited.  She wanted to be a wildlife photographer when she grew up.  Until then, she was content to take pictures of anything and everything.  She joined the Photography Club at school.  On this particular day, she never made it home.
     Susie was a very curious girl.  So when Mr. Harvey, her neighbor, had asked her if she wanted to see the cool fort he had built underground for the neighborhood kids, she couldn't resist.  Mr. Harvey had been watching Susie for some time.  He had meticulously planned and built this fort, knowing exactly what he was going to do to Susie. 
     At first, Susie thought the fort was cool.  Mr. Harvey had lit candles and had put books and games on ledges to make it look kind of cozie.  He even gave her a soda.  Once Mr. Harvey started to talk and talk and started to act weird, Susie got scared and told him that she had to leave.  He got angry and told her to be polite.  If Susie Salmon was nothing else, she was polite.  Finally, she tried to escape.  Mr. Harvey pulled her back violently.  After raping and killing her, Mr. Harvey cut Susie's body up into pieces.  He brought her body home in a bag and shoved it into a safe that he kept in his basement.
     As Ruth Connors, a girl at Susie's school that everyone thinks is strange, is walking home from school, she feels Susie's soul rush by her as she is walking down the street.  She doesn't tell anybody, but she knows it was Susie.  Ruth has psychic abilities and can sense dead people around her. 
     Mr. Harvey, a balding man with thick glasses, lived alone.  He would sit for hours building doll houses.  He sold them at the local mall.  He was very regimented in his daily routine.  Everything in his house had to be in its place.  He tried to blend in in the neighborhood.  He wanted to be viewed as someone no one would even bother to look at twice.  He was very good at blending in.  He liked to look out from behind the curtains of his living room window and look at the school girls as they walked to and from school.  That is when Susie Salmon caught his eye.  From then on, all he could think about was his plan to abduct, rape, and murder her.  He would sit for hours obsessing over every detail of his plan; one that he was finally able to bring to fruition.
     When Susie doesn't come home for supper, her parents become worried.  They start calling her friends houses.  No one has seen her.  Her father takes her picture and starts walking the streets asking people if anyone has seen her.  As he is showing her picture to someone, he hears her scream and feels her presence.
     Susie can see her dad, but she can't get to him.  She finds herself caught limbo.  Not Heaven or Hell, just in between.  Because her soul was ripped out of her body so violently, it wasn't able to go on to Heaven or where ever your soul goes when you die.
     She finds herself at a door.  She opens it and walks into a bathroom.  She sees her killer washing off her blood and the dirt from the fort where he killed her.  She looks over at the sink and sees the razor knife that he used to kill her.  She also sees her sterling silver bracelet.  She realizes at that moment that she really is dead and she lets out a blood curdling scream.
     After searching the cornfield where Susie was killed, the police show up at Susie's parent's house and tell them that they have found a stocking cap, (the one that her mother had made for her and gave her that morning) covered with blood.  They tell Susie's parents that they have not found a body, but there was a significant amount of blood where they found the hat.  Her mother realizes that Susie is in fact dead.  Her father won't accept that.  He feels that if there is no body, that there is still a chance that they will find Susie alive.  He hangs onto that hope for a while.
     Once Susie's father comes to the realization that she is really dead, he becomes obsessed with finding her killer.  He is pointing his finger at everyone he can think of.  He is constantly calling the police with his ideas on who he thinks killed Susie. 
     Susie and her father had always had a special connection.  (Her little brother also senses her presence as well).  While sitting in Susie's room, her father finds the box of film that Susie wanted to have developed.  He remembers making a deal with her that he would pay to have one roll of film developed a month.  He takes one roll and every month from then on, he develops a roll of film.  A deal is a deal.  He is impressed with the quality of the shots that his daughter had taken.  He keeps wanting to show them to his wife but she doesn't want to see them.  She thinks he is crazy.  She wants to move on, he can't let it go.  Eventually, one of Susie's photos will unveil a vital clue to who her killer is. 
     The stress of Susie's murder starts to erode at her family.  Her father starts sleeping in his study.  The study he and Susie used to build his "ships in a bottle" collection.  All of the walls are filled with shelves that are filled with these bottles.  The very sight of them gives him comfort and reminds him of Susie.  He starts to neglect his wife and his marriage.  Her mother won't go into her room and refuses to talk about her.  Her sister becomes obsessed with exercising and her little brother is just confused because nobody wants to talk about Susie anymore.
     Meanwhile, Susie is starting to accept that she is somewhere "in between."  She knows that she can't move on.  She wants someone to find out who her killer is.  She can look down on her family and see their pain.  She wishes that there was something she can do to help them.  While there, she meets a young Asian girl who calls herself Holly.  She fills Susie in on the rules of what you can and can't do in limbo.  Her and Holly have a great time hanging out, running around playing dress up and just having fun.  They become best friends.
     Susie starts to use her imagination to create whatever she wants.  She can visualize anything.  She sees "Green Animals" and glass bottles with ships in them, there is a white Gazebo that she spends a lot of her time in and a penguin (like the one in her snow globe as a child.) 
     The police detective, who has now become close to the family, begins to see that Susie's mother is not dealing well with her death, he suggests that Susie's father invite her grandmother (who is an alcoholic and whose ways are unconventional) to come and stay with the family to help out his wife and the kids.  Nobody is thrilled with this situation, the grandmother, the mother, or the kids.  Susie's mother finally snaps and packs her bags and leaves.  She moves as far across country as she can get.  She gets a job in a winery in California.  The physical labor helps her to take her mind off of Susie.  When anyone asks, she tells them she has two children, not three. 
     Susie's younger sister, Lindsey, starts to suspect their neighbor, Mr. Harvey.  She gets a weird feeling every time she goes by his house.  When she takes their dog, Holiday, for a run by his house, he barks uncontrollably.  She knows, he senses something too.  No one would believe Lindsey about Mr. Harvey and her suspicions of him.  Little did she know that he was plotting to kill her next.
     Susie watches her family from above.  She sees their daily trials and tribulations.  She also gets to witness a very tender moment in her sister Lindsey's life.  She see her receive her very first kiss (the very same moment that Susie looked so forward to experiencing in her own life, but because of Mr. Harvey and what he did to her, she was never able to have.  On one hand, she is very happy for her sister, but on the other hand, she is very sad for herself.
     Susie is able to visit with Ray on occasion.  She watches him and senses his despair.  She knows that he is missing her and feels his love.  As time goes on, his memories of her begin to fade.  He and Ruth Connors have become very good friends.  They are connected through Susie's death.
     When Susie's father developed the very last roll of film, he saw a picture of Mr. Harvey.  Bells went off in his head.  Like Lindsey, her father began to suspect Mr. Harvey as well.  He began sitting in his car outside of Mr. Harvey's house.  One day he even went over to talk to him.  He start to help him with a hunting shelter that he was building in his back yard (little did he know that he was building it to use to lure his other daughter into, so he could rape and kill her too.)  While in Mr. Harvey's back yard, her father picked up a dead flower.  Susie wanted Mr. Harvey to get caught so she made the flower bloom in her father's hand.  Her father realized that it was Susie's spirit doing it and he knew then that Mr. Harvey was her murderer.  He went after him, but he locked himself in his house and got away.
     The police told Susie's father to stay away from Mr. Harvey.  They didn't have any evidence to link him to Susie's murder.  Once Lindsey heard that, she decided to break into Mr. Harvey's house to get some evidence against him.  Mr. Harvey had suspected that Lindsey was on to him.  He caught her in his house.  He chased her out of his house and over his fence.  She got away.  As she was running away, she showed him what she had found.  It was a book that he kept all of his drawing, newpaper articles and even a clipping of Susie's hair.  As Lindsey was looking at the book upstairs in Mr. Harvey's house, she saw newspaper articles about her in the book; along with drawings of the shelter he had been building in his back yard.  She realized that he had intended to kill her next.  But, she wasn't going to give him that chance.  
     Even though Lindsey had the evidence they needed to arrest Mr. Harvey, he had enough time to skip town; never to be seen or heard from again.  Before he left town, he was able to dump the safe, with Susie's body in it, into the sinkhole on the Connor's farm.  Once the safe was swallowed up by the earth, Susie walked through a series of scenes depicting all of Mr. Harvey's other victims.  There were 7 victims in all going back to the mid-sixties.  They, too, had been in limbo.  Their souls were released at the same time that Susie's was.  Before Susie could go on, she had to go back to see Ray once more.  She used Ruth's body to come back.  She showed herself to Ray as she was before she died.  She was finally able to get the thing she had wanted most in life, a kiss.  Ray was finally able to say goodbye to Susie. 
     In the end, Susie's mother came back home to her husband and children.  Even though Mr. Harvey got away, they at least knew who her killer was and they didn't have to wonder anymore.  Even though Susie's family would never forget her, they were, each in their own way, able to let her go and move on too.
     Unfortunately, Mr. Harvey got away, but while trying to lure yet another young girl into his car, he was hit by a falling icicle which made his slip and fall backwards.  He fell off of a cliff and broke his neck and died.  His body lay in a pile of snow over an embankment, similar to the way some of his victims bodies were discarded or dumped by him.


Symbolism and parallels:
snow globe: - Represents a time of innocence in Susie's life; a time when she felt safe.
parallel: - I collect snow globes.
1970's:  Timeframe in which the movie takes place.
parallel:  I grew up in the exact time period as Susie Salmon.  There are so many things in the background of most of the scenes in this movie that I remember from my own childhood. 
sterling silver bracelet: The bracelet represents Susie's life.  All of the charms are symbols of the happy life she led up until she was murdered.  Each charm holds a special memory.
parallel:  I also have a charm bracelet.  Each charm represents a time or event in my life that I cherish. 
Kodak Instamatic camera:  The camera represented freedom to Susie.  In a life where she wasn't able to make most of her own decisions; her parents made them for her.  With her camera, she was able to take pictures of anything she wanted.
parallel:  I also received the same camera at the same age, so I know exactly how Susie felt about it.  I have never stopped taking pictures since that day.  I have literally thousands of photographs.  (I am now in love with digital cameras.) 
stocking cap:  The stocking cap respresented the end of innocence to Susie's mother.  Once they found the bloody stocking cap, her world had been changed forever.  Susie was gone and would never come back.
parallel:   My mother made me a stocking cap that was very similar to Susie's.  I remember wearing it to please my mother, but I hated it.
ships in a bottle:  They represented a time when Susie and her dad would spend time alone together.  Time that was very special to her.
parallel:  Me and my dad used to make different crafts together when I was young.  Since my parents were divorced, this time was very special to me.  It was a time when my father and I could relate to each other before I grew up and he didn't know what to do with me; a time that he nor I could ever get back to.  But, I look back and am grateful for the time that we did have.
best friends:  Susie and Holly became best friends in limbo.  They were able to share everything with each other.  As long as they had each other, they weren't alone.
parallel:  My best friend Cathy and I shared so much.  There will never be another person in my life that knew me the way Cathy did.  We shared so much history together.  Half of me went with her.
Green Animals:  Susie imagines bushes shaped like animals.  Each one has a special meaning to her.
parallel:  My friend Cathy and I took a day trip to Newport, R.I.  It was a wonderful day.  We went to seen the "Green Animals."  When I saw them in this film, I was floored at the way they made me feel.  It was like Cathy was speaking to me through this movie.
flower:  The flower represents a connection between Susie and her father.  It was a message from beyond.  I also think that the red flower represents Susie's precious blood that Mr. Harvey so carelessly spilled.
parallel:  I love flowers.  I love to garden.  Cathy and I used to garden together.  When one of the flowers she gave me blooms, it gives me hope.  It is like a precious gift sent to me from Cathy.  I believe that flowers represent hope for me.


When I am dead, and laid in grave,
And all my bones are rotten,
By this may I remembered be,
When I should be forgotten (Enright 293)


      We all want to think that we will be remembered when we die.  That our lives meant something.  Not only to ourselves, but to others as well. 


     I liked that the main character (a 14 year old girl narrates the movie).  I was able to gain a greater perspective on what she went through.  As opposed to it being narrated by one of the parents or siblings.
     This movie had a hugh impact on me.  There were so many similarities and parallels in this movie that at the time, I felt that this movie was sent to me by Cathy. I felt that she was letting me know that she was okay.  I also felt that she wanted me to move on.  I'll never forget all the wonderful memories we shared.
     I was wondering why they didn't show the funeral scene in this movie.  Those types of scenes usually help the viewer empathize more with the character.  I think that by leaving that scene out, the viewer is left to fill in the blanks (I think I just answered my own question).
     When I first saw this film, I was still in the throws of grief for my friend.  Seeing the beautiful visual effects and the unique view of what might happen after death, gave me hope.
     By not tying things up in a pretty bow at the end of the movie (letting Mr. Harvey get away), it forces the viewer to acknowledge the fact that so many young girls fall victim to these preditors.  If you have children, you should know who is living in your neighborhood. It's a lot easier these days to find that information out than it was in the 70's.   
     I think that the writer of this story was trying to shed light on this important topic. Our children are at risk and need to be protected.


http://www.aolnews.com/article/child-abductions-the-hype-vs-the-reality/19261824


    A raging storm of emotion is triggered by a loss of something or someone we love.  And in that storm we feel unprepared to navigate the turbulent waters of our own grief.  Sometimes grief is so overwhelming that we panic, we go into a kind of "emotional shock."  We become numb.  At times we say, "I don't feel anything." Hours, days, and weeks go by.  It's all a blur. We feel "disconnected," like we're watching our lives through a hazy fog.  They don't seem to add up to anything.  Whatever peacefulness and security we once had has been shattered by an inevitable reality we've spent our lives running away from (Welshons 10).


     If you have every lost a loved one, you will be able to related to that last paragraph.  It hits the nail right on the head of grief.
    
Works Cited

Enright, D. J. The Oxford Book of Death. Oxford: Oxford UP, 2002. Print.

Knowles, David. "Child Abductions: The Hype vs. the Reality." Top News & Analysis, US, World, Sports, Celebrity & Weird News. Web. 01 Oct. 2010. http://www.aolnews.com/article/child-abductions-the-hype-vs-the-reality/19261824.

Welshons, John E. Awakening from Grief: Finding the Way Back to Joy. Makawao, Maui, HI: Inner Ocean, 2003. Print.

    

Spiritual Death/Physical Death - Which one is worse?

The Sacred Art of Dying: How World Religions Understand Death


"Those who die aware of the Self are at last released from the cycle of birth and death (31)."

  The Hindu religious belief is that when the body dies, the Self (Atman) does not die.  They believe that you are released from the trappings of the physical being. The physical body may die, but the the essence of that person continues.

"One who knows the Self," Yama said, "puts death to death" (30). 

     In the Hindu culture, they also believe that if you are committed to knowing the Self, you become spiritually aware or enlightened. You are assured of what will happen to you at death.  By knowing the Self, you put death in its place.


"Those who die unaware of the Self are either reborn, or return to a lower evolutionary state as determind by their karmic life-actions" (31). 


     So what you do in life is important because it determines where the essence of your being will go at death and whether or not you will attain a higher state of being.

Hindu Death Ritual

"As a Hindu approaches death, he or she is surrounded with religious sites and ceremonies which support the dying person (38)."

      In the Hindu culture, when they know a person is close to death, they take the opportunity to gather around that person and support them through this journey.  Unlike, in the American culture, where many of us stay away when we know someone is dying.  We wait for them to die and then show up to support the family members who have been left behind.

"Before a Hindu dies, the son and relatives put water taken, if possible from the Ganges, into the dying person's mouth.  At this time, family and friends sing devotional prayers and chant Vedic mantras. 

     I believe that in the Hindu culture, they view the death ritual on the same scale of importance as being born or getting married.  Life, as well as death, should be celebrated.

"Prior to cremation, the body is washed, anointed, the hair (and beard) trimmed, and it is given new or clean clothes (39."

     In the Hindu culture, people show respect for the person that is dying.  They say prayers for their soul and once that person dies, they embrace the whole process of dying.  They lovingly wash and dress the dead person's body.  They are not afraid to touch them and see them.  Through this process, they are able to find closure and acceptance.  

     Unlike, in the American culture, we don't want to see or know what happens to our loved one's remains when they die.  Not only don't we want to see them, we especially don't want to touch them.  I think by distancing ourselves from this really important process, we cheat ourselves. 

     I know so many people in my life who have not grieved properly for the loss of someone they have lost.  Because they did not allow themselves to go through all of the stages of grief.  They get stuck and cannot get over or accept that person's death.  A lot of people I know have turned to drugs or alcohol to numb their pain.  Instead of allowing themselves to feel the pain, they stuff their emotions and eventually their grief begins to destroy their spirit.  They are stuck and unable to move forward in their lives.  By turning a blind eye to death, they become emotional cripples.

     In my own family, I have had two brothers die.  No one wants to talk about them.  It is really sad.  By not talking about them an honoring them, it is as if they never existed. Because their deaths were never fully dealt with, the dysfunction in my family runs rampant. I hope that when I die, I will not be forgotten in that way.

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

The Oxford Book of Death

"Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once,
Of all the wonders I yet have heard,
It seems to me most strange that men should fear,
Seeing that death, a necessary end,
Will come when it will come" (42).
                              - Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

     I think what Shakespeare is saying in the first line of this poem is that many people die spiritually and morally way before their actual physical death.  I think the second line refers to people that live a virtuous life and have nothing to fear at death.  The third and fourth lines talk to life and how many people do not see how precious our time is and just how beautiful life can be.  If we could only embrace how fleeting our time hear on earth really is.  I think the fifth line refers to the certainty of death and that it is an inevitable and unavoidable part of life.  Death is something to embrace and not fear. The last line points to the fact that none of us knows exactly when the end will come; only that it will come.

Success Built to Last: Creating a Life That Matters 
Love it or Lose - Passions and the Quest for Meaning

"You've got to love what you're doing or you can be sure there will be someone else who will" (47).

     If you do a job that you don't love, on a spiritual level, you die a little more each day.  You need to look forward to the thing you spend so much time doing.  Your co-workers know when you are not happy at your job.  Whether you lack enthusiasm, or you just complain constantly, they know.  By having a bad attitude at work, you are only perpetuating negative feelings and passing them on to others. If you don't want to do your job, there is always someone else out there that would love to step into your shoes.  We all like to think that we are irreplaceable. We're not. If you hate your job, find another one.  Go find your passion. Something that you look forward to doing everyday. 

     Sometimes, in order to know if you like a job, you need to go out and actually do that job.  There are so many people who go to college because they are expected to.  They choose a major because they are expected to.  They don't even really know what they want to do.  Sometimes, you need to get out there and get a little bit of life under your belt in order to be able to make an informed decision. 

     So many people are afraid to fail.  I know I am.  I like to think that I can succeed at everything I do.  Well, that has not always been the case.  I think that when we do fail or things don't turn out like we expected them to, we can really learn a lot from that situation.  If you spend your whole life worrying about making mistakes and failing, you'll never be able to move forward and appreciate what it is you worked so hard to achieve.  If things come to you too easily in life, you won't develop the character needed to weather all of life's storms.

     When you finally realize that your days are, in fact, numbered, you are motivated to spend that time wisely.  I don't know if I would be back in college right now if my best friend Cathy had not died.  I think I would have probably just kept going on the way I had been for almost ten years.  Her death really woke me up and motivated me to really take a look at my life and make some really hard, but necessary changes, in order for me to make my life count.  Before her death, I used to worship at the "Temple of Terri."  I, like most people, was very egocentric and wasn't concerned with what was happening outside of my own little world.  On some level, I can say that Cathy gave me a gift.  A chance to live my life with purpose and meaning.      

Reflections on Life and Death

Success Built to Last: Creating a Life that Matters

"For Builders, the real definition of success is a life and work that brings personal fulfillment and lasting relationships and makes a difference in the world in which they live."


       For years, I went to school for a business degree. Then, I worked in Boston for banks, hospitals, and universities. I did not find fulfillment in the jobs I held there. I found out late in life that I really loved working with children. I left the office and went into the classroom. After working with special needs teenagers for 4 ½ years, I decided that I preferred working with younger children. I did not know what age I wanted to work with so I started at the bottom - literally. I worked with infants, toddlers, sprouts, preschoolers and, finally, Kindergarteners. I decided that I liked working with children in Kindergarten. I now work each afternoon as a K-1 teacher in an after-school program called ABACUS. I really love working with the kids. At this age, they are like little sponges. They love to learn. By taking this job, it has allowed me to go back to school full-time to work on a Bachelors Degree in Early Childhood Education.


“Being what we love means doing what matters on and off the job.”

     I spend a lot of time outside of the job planning projects and creating lesson plans. I spend at least one to two hours every night preparing for class the next day. I also spend a lot of time planning forward. I always have to have a months' worth of plans in advance. I really enjoy this time. When I get into the classroom, I feel prepared and ready to go. I feel that I am not only giving the kids what they need and will enjoy, but am giving the parents what they are paying for as well.


“When faced with what they discover is so important to them, they summon the courage (or foolishness) to persist because it matters to them.”

     When you do a job or work in a field that matters to you, even though its hard work, it’s also very satisfying work. You look forward to the work. When you get into the zone, everything else disappears. Even though you should be getting paid a lot more, and you know it, you keep on keeping on because you know that what you are doing is important to someone other than yourself. When we take the focus off of ourselves and put it on to another, some of our own burdens are also lifted.


The Oxford Book of Death

“That man is the only animal who is conscious (from time to time) that it must die is a truism.”

     Knowing that you are inevitably going to die should spur you on to live your life to the fullest. Unfortunately, most of us go through life pretending that life will go on forever. Unless, of course, you have had experiences with death in your life that make you “wake up and smell the coffee.” Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I have had many experiences with death. Most recently, I had to watch my closest friend die at the age of 48. I learned a lot from that experience. I consciously made myself face what was happening. I forced myself to go to the hospital (even though I didn’t want to face the truth). I was fortunate to see my friend conscious and lucid once more before she slipped into a coma. Maybe my being there helped her to let go. I'd like to think so. I was so grateful for that time. I felt that I was able to really say goodbye to my friend. I have had many experiences with death in my life, but none (even my father’s death) hit me as hard as losing my best friend Cathy.


“The attitude of men to the death of their fellows is of unique significance for an understanding of our human condition…..”

     By forcing myself to stay in the moment and not try to block out what was happening, I was able to learn so much and grow as a person. I learned never to put off till tomorrow what you can do today. No one knows how much time they have left on this earth (unless you go to death clock.com). I learned to stop wasting time. When I want to do something, I go an do it. Cathy and I were soul mates. We finished each others sentences. We knew what the other was thinking. We loved the same movies and book. We went through some real trying times in life together. We also had some of our best times in life together. Even though she got into drugs and I had to walk away from her for 10 years, (that was one of the hardest thing I every had to do in my life); when we did finally see each other again, it was like no time had passed at all. We had 12 more years together before she died. Years that I will cherish until the day I die. Losing Cathy has left a huge whole in my heart. I know that time stopped for me when Cathy left my life. I had always been a person that looks forward, someone who could see the future unfolding. But, after Cathy died, I could not see the future anymore. It was blank; nothing. It scared the hell out of me. Finally, after almost two years, I am beginning to see the future again. I believe, if we are lucky, we get one friend like that in our lifetime. I believe that I was one of the lucky ones.

“Death is the news media’s radical chic subject, fodder for endless TV programmes and newspaper articles.”

     Everyone loves to watch CSI. I think when death is removed from our own lives and marketed to us in a chic glamorous way, like the CSI series, we love to see what happens when other people die; not us. Most people have no clue what goes on in a funeral home or a morgue. Americans want to show up to a wake, not think about what that person’s body has just been through, look at the person in the casket (who looks like they are just sleeping) say our goodbyes and quickly get the hell out of there. We don’t want to face death. When we numb our own emotions from death, it helps us put a veil over our eyes and gets us through it.

     Secretly, though, I think we are all fascinated by death. We all have a morbid curiosity. We all slow down when we see a car accident. We secretly hope to catch a glimpse of someone else’s suffering. It makes our own lives bearable. That is why when there is a disaster in another country, we can all feel good that it was them, not us. As if we can separate ourselves from the suffering of humanity. When there is human suffering anywhere in the world. We all suffer.


The Sacred Art of Dying: How the World Religions Understand Death

     “The Harvard Medical School of Ad Hoc Committee to Examine the Definition of Brain Death identified four essential criteria: lack of receptivity and response to external stimuli; absence of spontaneous muscular movement and spontaneous breathing; absence of observable reflexes, including brain and spinal reflexes; absence of brain activity, signified by a flat electroencephalogram (EEG)."

     Watching my friend die was the hardest thing I have ever done. Her inability to breath on her own, her lack of responsiveness to physical stimulation, the lack of bodily fluids, and no brain activity lead us all to the conclusion that Cathy needed to be removed from life support. Once all of the machines were removed and the room was quiet, she died peacefully surrounded by her family and friends. I had never seen a person actually die before that. I was really honored to have been able to be there for my best friend at the moment of her death.


“When finally Ivan accepts his death with all of its dreadful implications, he asks a question which will reverberate throughout the text: “So where will I be when I am no more?”

     This a question that every human being asks themselves. Where do I go when I die? I guess it all depends on your religion or what you believe. Some people believe that you are just gone; there is nothing after death. Others believe that you are reincarnated into another human being or an animal. Then there are others who believe that there is another life after death. That you live on forever. I know this sounds morbid, but I am really looking forward to seeing what happens when I die. I hope to see my best friend and the other family members that have crossed over before me. I hope that I can see my children from above and I can watch their lives unfold. Like in the book/movie “The Lovely Bones.”


“A spiritual death is self-transcendence, is getting outside prior confines of the self or, as it is analogously expressed in many traditions, is like falling unreservedly and compassionately in love.”

     I think that once you accept that one day you will die, the fear of death is lifted. Since death, like love, is a natural part of life, we should not fear it. We should look death straight in the eye and fully experience it as, hopefully, we fully experience our life. Living in denial and hiding your head in the sand does not keep death from coming. Planning for your own death will hopefully make you more aware of how fleeting time is and will allow you to embrace the time that you have left.  Love can be just as scary as death.  When you fully experience love, you have to let go and just go with it. That's scary.  Just like letting go at death is scary.  If we can learn to love, we can learn to live; only then, can we learn to die.