Success Built to Last: Creating a Life that Matters
"For Builders, the real definition of success is a life and work that brings personal fulfillment and lasting relationships and makes a difference in the world in which they live."
For years, I went to school for a business degree. Then, I worked in Boston for banks, hospitals, and universities. I did not find fulfillment in the jobs I held there. I found out late in life that I really loved working with children. I left the office and went into the classroom. After working with special needs teenagers for 4 ½ years, I decided that I preferred working with younger children. I did not know what age I wanted to work with so I started at the bottom - literally. I worked with infants, toddlers, sprouts, preschoolers and, finally, Kindergarteners. I decided that I liked working with children in Kindergarten. I now work each afternoon as a K-1 teacher in an after-school program called ABACUS. I really love working with the kids. At this age, they are like little sponges. They love to learn. By taking this job, it has allowed me to go back to school full-time to work on a Bachelors Degree in Early Childhood Education.
“Being what we love means doing what matters on and off the job.”
I spend a lot of time outside of the job planning projects and creating lesson plans. I spend at least one to two hours every night preparing for class the next day. I also spend a lot of time planning forward. I always have to have a months' worth of plans in advance. I really enjoy this time. When I get into the classroom, I feel prepared and ready to go. I feel that I am not only giving the kids what they need and will enjoy, but am giving the parents what they are paying for as well.
“When faced with what they discover is so important to them, they summon the courage (or foolishness) to persist because it matters to them.”
When you do a job or work in a field that matters to you, even though its hard work, it’s also very satisfying work. You look forward to the work. When you get into the zone, everything else disappears. Even though you should be getting paid a lot more, and you know it, you keep on keeping on because you know that what you are doing is important to someone other than yourself. When we take the focus off of ourselves and put it on to another, some of our own burdens are also lifted.
The Oxford Book of Death
“That man is the only animal who is conscious (from time to time) that it must die is a truism.”
Knowing that you are inevitably going to die should spur you on to live your life to the fullest. Unfortunately, most of us go through life pretending that life will go on forever. Unless, of course, you have had experiences with death in your life that make you “wake up and smell the coffee.” Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I have had many experiences with death. Most recently, I had to watch my closest friend die at the age of 48. I learned a lot from that experience. I consciously made myself face what was happening. I forced myself to go to the hospital (even though I didn’t want to face the truth). I was fortunate to see my friend conscious and lucid once more before she slipped into a coma. Maybe my being there helped her to let go. I'd like to think so. I was so grateful for that time. I felt that I was able to really say goodbye to my friend. I have had many experiences with death in my life, but none (even my father’s death) hit me as hard as losing my best friend Cathy.
“The attitude of men to the death of their fellows is of unique significance for an understanding of our human condition…..”
By forcing myself to stay in the moment and not try to block out what was happening, I was able to learn so much and grow as a person. I learned never to put off till tomorrow what you can do today. No one knows how much time they have left on this earth (unless you go to death clock.com). I learned to stop wasting time. When I want to do something, I go an do it. Cathy and I were soul mates. We finished each others sentences. We knew what the other was thinking. We loved the same movies and book. We went through some real trying times in life together. We also had some of our best times in life together. Even though she got into drugs and I had to walk away from her for 10 years, (that was one of the hardest thing I every had to do in my life); when we did finally see each other again, it was like no time had passed at all. We had 12 more years together before she died. Years that I will cherish until the day I die. Losing Cathy has left a huge whole in my heart. I know that time stopped for me when Cathy left my life. I had always been a person that looks forward, someone who could see the future unfolding. But, after Cathy died, I could not see the future anymore. It was blank; nothing. It scared the hell out of me. Finally, after almost two years, I am beginning to see the future again. I believe, if we are lucky, we get one friend like that in our lifetime. I believe that I was one of the lucky ones.
“Death is the news media’s radical chic subject, fodder for endless TV programmes and newspaper articles.”
Everyone loves to watch CSI. I think when death is removed from our own lives and marketed to us in a chic glamorous way, like the CSI series, we love to see what happens when other people die; not us. Most people have no clue what goes on in a funeral home or a morgue. Americans want to show up to a wake, not think about what that person’s body has just been through, look at the person in the casket (who looks like they are just sleeping) say our goodbyes and quickly get the hell out of there. We don’t want to face death. When we numb our own emotions from death, it helps us put a veil over our eyes and gets us through it.
Secretly, though, I think we are all fascinated by death. We all have a morbid curiosity. We all slow down when we see a car accident. We secretly hope to catch a glimpse of someone else’s suffering. It makes our own lives bearable. That is why when there is a disaster in another country, we can all feel good that it was them, not us. As if we can separate ourselves from the suffering of humanity. When there is human suffering anywhere in the world. We all suffer.
The Sacred Art of Dying: How the World Religions Understand Death
“The Harvard Medical School of Ad Hoc Committee to Examine the Definition of Brain Death identified four essential criteria: lack of receptivity and response to external stimuli; absence of spontaneous muscular movement and spontaneous breathing; absence of observable reflexes, including brain and spinal reflexes; absence of brain activity, signified by a flat electroencephalogram (EEG)."
Watching my friend die was the hardest thing I have ever done. Her inability to breath on her own, her lack of responsiveness to physical stimulation, the lack of bodily fluids, and no brain activity lead us all to the conclusion that Cathy needed to be removed from life support. Once all of the machines were removed and the room was quiet, she died peacefully surrounded by her family and friends. I had never seen a person actually die before that. I was really honored to have been able to be there for my best friend at the moment of her death.
“When finally Ivan accepts his death with all of its dreadful implications, he asks a question which will reverberate throughout the text: “So where will I be when I am no more?”
This a question that every human being asks themselves. Where do I go when I die? I guess it all depends on your religion or what you believe. Some people believe that you are just gone; there is nothing after death. Others believe that you are reincarnated into another human being or an animal. Then there are others who believe that there is another life after death. That you live on forever. I know this sounds morbid, but I am really looking forward to seeing what happens when I die. I hope to see my best friend and the other family members that have crossed over before me. I hope that I can see my children from above and I can watch their lives unfold. Like in the book/movie “The Lovely Bones.”
“A spiritual death is self-transcendence, is getting outside prior confines of the self or, as it is analogously expressed in many traditions, is like falling unreservedly and compassionately in love.”
I think that once you accept that one day you will die, the fear of death is lifted. Since death, like love, is a natural part of life, we should not fear it. We should look death straight in the eye and fully experience it as, hopefully, we fully experience our life. Living in denial and hiding your head in the sand does not keep death from coming. Planning for your own death will hopefully make you more aware of how fleeting time is and will allow you to embrace the time that you have left. Love can be just as scary as death. When you fully experience love, you have to let go and just go with it. That's scary. Just like letting go at death is scary. If we can learn to love, we can learn to live; only then, can we learn to die.
No comments:
Post a Comment